Jan 2nd
Maspeth, NY
Mon Cher, Cher, Albert,
An empty day has passed for me, so different from the days I spent with you, which were filled with you, which make all other days an eternity of loneliness. I still feel your presence in the house, on the streets that we walked together, in the very air we breathed.. and I am nothing without you and everything when I am with you. Every second is filled with my love for you. ( time out while I talk to you. ) and every part of me is wanting for you. Most important. I love you with all the many aspects that love may have, and the spiritual and the lustful are equally balanced and I am the happiest, most satisfied and fulfilled woman in the world, and, and, and..... I could go on and on because my heart is just bursting with feelings and emotions that always lurked there but which I was afraid to lavish. I would like to write the phrases of a poet to you, but it all comes out in childlike exuberance, as if I had received my first doll, my first puppy or any other of a dozen childhood delights.
Tu etez le seul amour de ma vie, le seul vrai amour.
Votre, Always , Joan
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2 Jan. 62
Ft. Holabird, Md.
My very Dearest Littlest Partner at “Dirty Rat”
I think you’re nice. In fact, you happen to be such an excellent student of “Dirty Rat” that I love you. Rather novel beginning, heh what!. In case my writing seems to be worse than usual it’s because I am lying down on my back.
Just changed position. I could see what I was thinking. Only kidding, don’t be mad. Ich Leiber dich. Nothing but screwy sayings here but that’s what is going through my mind. Think I’ll go home this weekend. I must see you again and retell you that te quiero. Also that te amo and that je t’aime. Aside from that vous etez tres petite. You are also tres chic, to say the least and you have the most beautiful ojos verdes. And you have the cutest little hairy patch on your back. The more I think of it, the more I wish we had gotten cusados over the Holidays. Tomorrow I am going to put in an application for a permanent duty station near Washington, DC Only a few hours have passed and I miss you very, very, much. Muchissimo. Lights out, Finish tomorrow.
Here I am starting all over again. I Love You. We had an 6 hour test today. It wasn’t too bad but very tiring. I’m starting to get a bit of a headache. I tried to call Paul tonight to see when he’s leaving for NY, but no answer. I’ll try again tomorrow so that I can get a ride home to NY and almost to your doorstep ,delivered. I will be but not COD
I have not much more that I can put in writing so I’ll end here.
All my love, faith, respect, adoration and tenderness, always are yours,
Alberto
JOAN DOROTHY FAFETTE ARAUJO ( soon )
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9 Jan 61
Ft Holabird, MD
All my love walked away last night. I knew loneliness and despair. She did not leave my heart nor I here. The time had come to bid adieu for only a while. My heart was filled with lovely phrases but my lips could speak only three words. Three common words but nonetheless a royal trio. Had God made me a poet, the world would know my love for you and the beauty and the goodness of you yourself. The winter of my life has passed with your coming and blossoms are slowly turning to fruit, the fruit of love, the ecstasy and sheer delight of caressing you.. Your smile, so sweet and tender, your eyes, so green, so true. Your every curve, your walk, your all. A study in love, in life, in marriage. So far does the day seem when I shall call you “wife”. And in the eternity of our love, an atom, no, an ion, an infinitesimal small portion of the days and years that we have shared together and will share. And when, my dear, my head is gray and my back is bent I will always be able to look upon my memories and gently repeat the three true words, I Love You.
Alberto, forever.
13 Jan 61
Ft. Holabird
The days are passing slowly but surely. Life has become a mere existence without you. And soon I will have to leave this place so near to you and go so far from you. All these thoughts and many more pass through my mind and leave me in deep despair. Your voice, your face your being haunt my every minute. I think of no one, nothing, but you. The more I live without you, the more I hate my life here and the very act which put me here. Some one has played a most painful trick on me for I have fallen in love only after having incarcerated myself. I am at this moment and for many other moments in the next 30 months without My Dearest Joan...
All goes as usual. Everyone or almost everyone has deserted these lifeless barracks. A few remain behind writing letters or perhaps playing a guitar and singing. They sing an old Spanish song whose melody and words stir that well known feeling in him, His eyes grow tired but he continues. What other way has he of expressing all those deep emotions. He must tell her of his love, desires, needs. All are inexplicable, but all exist. His eyes close and a beautiful image appears. A young girl with brown hair and green eyes. She has a fair complexion to match the warmth of her lips and truth in her heart. A short girl, slim, gentle and his for eternity. Her dress is maiden white, as are her gloves. The face is unveiled. The heart opens. She is his spirit, his eyes, his very heart. How to profess his love? How to act when he next sees her? How? He know not everything but he is sure of one aspect of his short life. His love for her is real. Or is it? A smile, a kiss, a squeeze of her hand on his will be enough. His eyes open but he sees only one thing. The despair grows, his heart aches but in all his misery, a light, a ray, happiness. She too loves him. If nothing else, he needs this most of all.
Two and a half days before I can see you again. Two and a half lives before my heart will beat again. Here the lights grow dim but my love for you lights up my being.
My heart and life are in your hands
Always and with all my love
Alberto
The reality of the coming separation was beginning to loom.
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